What are you passionate about?

This was a question I was asked while filling out an online application. For the life of me I couldn’t think of anything! Nothing. Nada. Zip. What’s Up with that. I’m a self declared Disney nerd, am working on becoming a drag queen and yet when asked about my passions I draw a blank. Is there a problem with me. I do find myself having problems showing true emotion. Working retail has been an amazing exercise in looking like you give a fuck. I mean I’m really good at it. A guest giving me hell for not carrying an item ina certain size gets an Oscar worthy performance in giving a fuck from me. 

I feel like I have a switch sometimes when talking to people. I’m a very shy and quite person, but I have been in situations where I have to be bright and approachable people, like at work. It feel foreign to me but I do it anyway because I have to. 

When I was watching the Hunger Games I didn’t even feel bad when Ruth died (SPOILER ALERT) Don’t get me wrong it is sad but I didn’t feel it. You know, when you get that gut wrenching feeling in your stomach and all you want is a hug or something. I had a feeling that if I looked over to see my friends reaction she’d probably be crying and I just couldn’t. I guess hiding who I am has left me damaged in a way. I don’t get nervous, happy, anxious.

1st of many (hopefully)

Hello World.

I’m not new to blogging but I have fallen out of touch with it for reason I don’t know. I can’t spell my grammar sucks, but I hope to keep track of what’s happening in my life on this blog. The good. The bad. The embarrassing. I’m Alan I’m 21 and I just want to live my life.

I guess I’ll start off with my week since today wasn’t that eventful. I think I went on a date and the only reason why I say “think” is because it was never addressed as one. We went to the movies (Adventures of Tin Tin) then went to a Wendy’s and talked until they closed. Honestly it was fun. He was nice, sweet and cute to top it off. We talked about tech. He laughed I laughed it was nice.

After we left Wendy’s we drove around and ended up in a little outdoor shopping mall called Winter Park and walked down the sidewalk. We chatted some more once we found a bench. He scooted closer to me, I guess insinuating he wanted to kiss me ( I’m clueless when people are hitting on me). I sat still not knowing what to do. I’ve only met this person twice, both have been fine but I don’t know if I was ready to kiss him. I’ve only kissed one other person before and that person royally screwed me over. I chickened out and asked if we could get back to my car. The only excuse I could make was that I was cold, which it WAS by the way! As someone who lives in Florida I was freezing.

I drove him back to his house and we said our goodbyes. I was a dumbass and said and I quote “You are a gentleman and a Scholar”… -.- I wanted to kill myself after saying that. I wanted to lean in for a goodbye peck or something but I was scared. He’s nice, smart (really smart) and he laughed at my N.A.M.B.L.A joke, so why am I bugging so hard! I really hope I do see him again. the school semester starts tomorrow so I’ll have a long drive to see him. It’ll be worth it.

When we were going back to the car he noticed this car parked on the floor below us. Boca Colors indeed!